Fidelity double Standards
February 28, 2008This letter was featured on the Steve Harvey Morning show today. A friend of mine was so outraged that she asked me to post it to see what other people think about it. Is this the way men think about fidelity? Speak on it!!
DEAR STEVE,
WHATS UP MAN IM WRITING IN TODAY TO GET ANOTHER MALE PERSPECTIVE ON A SITUATION. I’VE BEEN MARRIED NOW FOR 11 YEARS AND I’VE CHEATED ON MY WIFE BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED, AND AFTER WE GOT MARRIED. WELL RECENTLY I’VE DECIDED TO STOP WITH ALL THE LIES AND CHEATING BECAUSE I’VE FATHERED 4 KIDS DURING MY MARRIAGE BY OTHER WOMEN, SO I DECIDED TO CONFESS MY SINS TO MY WIFE AND REPENT. WELL AFTER I DID SHE BROKE DOWN AND TOLD ME THAT SHE WANTED A DIVORCE, I DID THE USUAL BEGGING AND APOLOGIZING TO GET HER TO STAY, I EVEN PROMISED THAT WE CAN GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING TOGETHER. WELL I SLIPPED AGAIN BUT ONLY ONCE AND THAT WAS A WHILE AGO AND I HAVE BEEN FAITHFUL EVER SINCE, HOWEVER A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO MY WIFE OF 11 YEARS CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME THAT SHE’S PREGNANT, NOW THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT IF THE CHILD WAS MINE BUT I KNOW ITS NOT BECAUSE SHE REFUSED TO SLEEP WITH ME EVER SINCE I TOLD HER ABOUT THE CHEATING SO WHEN SHE CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT BY ANOTHER MAN I CLICKED. I GOT SO ENRAGED THAT I THREW HER AND ALL OF HER CLOTHES OUT, I TOLD HER I WILL NOT TAKE CARE OF ANOTHER MANS CHILD AND SINCE SHE HAD THE NERVE TO NOT ONLY CHEAT ON ME BUT TO DO IT WITH NO PROTECTION THEN SHE NEEDS TO GO AND BE WITH HIM!!! NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG YES I DID DO THE EXACT SAME THING MORE THAN ONCE HOWEVER SHE DON’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT MY OUTSIDE KIDS THAT I FATHERED SO SHE CAN’T EVEN BRING THAT UP. BESIDES ITS DIFFERENT FOR A MAN TO CHEAT THAN A WOMAN, SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE MY WIFE AND BE MY WIFE AND BE FAITHFUL TO ME AND ME ONLY. I SUSPECTED HER OF CHEATING THOUGH BECAUSE WE WAS A COUPLE THAT HAD TO HAVE SEX AT LEAST 5 TIMES A WEEK AND AFTER I CONFESSED SHE DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE. ANYWAY STEVE MAN PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I SHOULD DO BECAUSE AFTER I TOLD MY MOMMA WHAT HAPPENED SHE CURSED ME OUT AND TOLD ME THAT IM NO SON OF HERS, BUT I EXPECTED THAT REACTION FROM A WOMAN, SO STEVE MAN-TO-MAN WHAT DO YOU THINK? AM I WRONG? BESIDES BACK IN THE DAY MEN USE TO HAVE 10 AND 15 DIFFERENT WIFES AND I SAID I WAS SORRY!
Well what do you think? is there a double standard when it comes to fidelity? is it justified??
Shannon the Tampa Diva
mrkeyz
Hmm.. seems like there was a case of hypocrisy and double standards here.
She broke down and wanted a divorce but didn’t seem to admit to her affair. She did so afterwards, and said she wouldn’t do it anymore only AFTER he confessed? Why are these people even together? Is she going expect him to raise someone else child? Man.. hard to tell from only one perspective. The fella’s gender bias is appalling but I think these are two people who are gonna have a hard time reestablishing trust.
Related:
http://99ppp.wordpress.com/2008/02/04/a-case-against-marriage/
http://99ppp.wordpress.com/2008/02/04/the-myth-of-male-power/
In this guy’s mind, there *must* be a double standard! He can go and get 4 different women pregnant, plus sleep with who knows how many more, and she’s just supposed to forgive and forget, but she sleeps with 1 other guy, and he kicks her out of the house! She should have kicked him out!! He should be thanking his lucky stars that he didn’t wake up dead or with certain bodily parts missing! I’m just completely flabbergasted by this letter.
However, men and women are different–I remember hearing about a poll sometime in which men said they’d rather their wives be emotionally attached to another man than to have sex with him; but women would rather have their men have meaningless sex with another woman than to be emotionally attached to them. Either one is unacceptable to me, though!
“Sorry” doesn’t cut it. If he were serious about being faithful–mentally and physically–to his wife, that would be one thing. Two wrongs don’t make a right, so his wife was wrong to cheat on him too–she should have divorced him if she wasn’t going to truly reconcile with him. But he’s got such a habit pattern that it would be hard for me to trust him.
There shouldn’t be a double standard, in any case. Marriage is marriage!
Kathy
katsyfga.wordpress.com
@Kathy: Apart from the obvious biological reproductive differences, I don’t believe men and women are as different as many suggest. Those polls simply reflect socially constructed gender roles, that far too many take too seriously, imo.
When we begin to see one another as individuals and persons, rather than a representative of some genital sect, we’ll all be better off.
I think this guy is an absolute moron and gives us all a bad name. If he respected his wife and his marriage to start with, he wouldn’t have slept around. Besides, if he was getting it five times a week after being married that long, it wasn’t for lack of attention. He cheated because he has a problem managing his emotions or himself. That is a fundamental ill, and for him to say it is different for a man to cheat than for a woman to cheat is insane. Sleeping around is sleeping around. Stop making babies if you can’t handle the ones you already have with one woman. In fact, if you’re that kind of person, just stop making babies all around. You’re just perpetuating an ongoing bad situation.
In society there is a double standard about everything that is just something we must face until men and women are viewed as equals. I think the more important issue is that this man nor his wife respect the sanctity of marriage. If they do not want to be faithful to one another than why are they married. They may as well be single and live there lives as freely as they please. I agree this man is a complete moron because he states he has fathered four illegitimate children during his marriage. He should not even speak on the fact that his wife was cheating and doing so unprotected.