9 things Black women want/need

So in my perusing the internet, I stumbled upon this list on Asylum.com.-“10 Things You Should Never say to a Black Woman.”

Here’s a summary of the list.( the explanations are on the website)

10. “I was raised by black people.”
9. “Black women are so sexy.”
8. “Can I touch your hair?”
7. “I only date black women.”
6. “You’re the black Audrey Hepburn.”
5. “I don’t see any difference between the races.”
4. “It’s not like you’re the first black woman I’ve dated.”
3. “You look like En Vogue.”
2. “Black women are so much cooler with sex than white women.”
1. “I’m voting for Obama.”

Do you think they got it right?? What should they have added or changed from their list?

While you’re thinking on that, I felt the urge to write my own list

9 Things Black Women Want/need ( at least what this Black Woman wants)

9. The realizing that black women are a separate demographic- With the election coverage it’s become painstakingly clear that there’s still a silent expectation for us to be either black or woman. . Too often there is a lumping up of black women into either one group or the other.

8. The ability to express anger- without of course being called a typical, “Angry black woman.” All humans get angry, even Jesus got angry at the Temple, so please explain to me why anger is everyone’s favorite quality to bestow on black women and blacks in general. We all have emotions, and blacks don’t have the market covered on anger and attitude.

7. Safety/security- We really want to know that if there’s a crime committed against us that we will be taken seriously. (See-Dunbar Village) We also want the security of knowing that our kids, men, brothers, fathers, and lovers are safe (even if that means we try to protect them from themselves)

6. The right to wear our hair however we feel it looks best- That means if a sista wants to chop it all off, go natural, grow locks etc. she does not want the dominant culture (other blacks and Anglos) calling her “nappy headed”, telling her she needs to alter the natural state of her hair, or insulting her beauty because her hair is not straight. At the same time if a black woman loves her perm and weave she does want her blackness questioned, to be labeled as a stereotype or to be called “fake.” The “hair war” going on in our culture hurts on both ends.

5. New standards of beauty and womanhood- we rarely hear of the black female body being valued as beautiful and desirable for anything other than just sex. You see the black female sexualized, but rarely valued for beauty. At the same time images of white women are revered as beautiful, pure, caring, giving, perfect women. (Think I’m exaggerating just remember “King of the White Girls” Po Low Da Don). When it comes to women there’s still a feeling of “Snow White” being the fairest of the all and black women and our features are “problems.” How many times have you picked up a mainstream beauty magazine and seen things about solving “Problem Areas” The girl who’s trying to hide her Pear shaped “problem” is usually a sista? (I’m not talking a “plus size” either; girl was probably a size 6). Or the hair and make up tips that don’t even include tips for black women? (Like the “coarse hair” tips have Shakira on them). Black Women are beautiful we are more than sex!

4. Our own Women’s Movement- Not to be exclusionary but different cultures bring different struggles for their women. For example, when white women for fighting to work, black women had been working for years (often in the homes of those white women, but I digress) the point is that each culture in this country has its own issues with “womanhood”, femininity etc. and we deserve our own voice. ( in light of a recent feminist blogging controversy, it’s also clear that feminism is not without it’s racism too.)

3. A real State of the Black Woman Union- Tyra Banks had the right idea but it was marred with shallow stuff (barely scratched the surface on dating and relationships). It doesn’t matter how we do it, small ones in every city, or an annual show on CNN, but we need to get together in a non-competitive setting ( that means with too many good looking men) and discuss the things are affecting us as black women and the ways to improve the situation. Maybe this will help to “close the gaps” between us women folk and bring some unity. And this forum does not need to turned into a cheering session, or a jeering session about black men.

2. Acknowledgement and acceptance from Black men- of our struggles, differences and our challenges. Many times the message that black women get from the media and society is “why can’t you be more like white women?” so its natural that Black women think they’d get some support from men that we think can understand the struggles. Sometimes we get it, but many times we don’t (once again see Dunbar Village, Robin Givens, Anita Hill, DL Hugley’s “nappy headed” controversy and most of your favorite rap videos etc.). We need to acknowledge that our struggles are intertwined, yet different, and it is through understanding that we all can achieve.
I went to a forum on Black History and one panelist’s platform was women in Black history. During the audience comments segment, men kept saying that they thought she was dividing us by focusing on black women’s achievement and voices. You mean just talking about female achievement is a dividing factor?? That’s sad too me. Really sad.

1. Control of our own images- There are a few companies that own all of the media outlets. The truth is that we don’t control what people see of us. The people that own the stations, the stations and the companies are in control and it’s not their face, their culture, their neighborhood that they’re trying to portray. That’s why we have so many screwed up images of black women ( and men). Very few black women are doing the writing, producing, creating, or owning of these entities.

They may throw Debra LeE(vil)’s face out there but she’s really not the boss. BET is owned by Viacom, some of your favorite rappers’ record companies are owned by larger companies. And all of these folks have a financial responsibility to these companies and they have no problem exploiting your image to pay some bills.
Controlling our own images doesn’t mean erasing negative images but balancing them. Making the tv/music/film world look more like the real world (and not the other way around).
• I can only think of two black women in complete control of their media Oprah (of Course) and Cathy Hughes of TV One and Radio One. If you know some more please share.

Feel free to add to the list…

What else do you think black women want/need?